*this is a blog i wrote for myspace a couple of weeks ago. i thought it be great to post as a first blog on here. it delves deep inside my emotions. and you will be very aware of how much my grandmother meant/means to me. enjoi...*

I just finished reading a blog written by my cousin. It touched me. And it made me re-think about everything that happened before my grandmother passed away. This is the part the got to me: "My fingertips quivered as soon as they felt the plastic texture of a hidden photo. I snatched the picture in disbelief that God would put this in this exact spot at this exact moment. For an instance time mocked a broken clock and then before I knew it my eyes met my grandma's. I finally faced her death for the second time. I grinned and started the conversation in my mind. "You stopped me didn't you?" I asked. But I already knew my answer." My eyes immediately began to tear up as soon as I read it, and as I am writing this I am still fighting off tears.

Whatever happened to the good 'ol days? The days when grandma was there to make cupcakes and watch Are You Afraid of the Dark with me are stored away in a padlocked metal box. And as I am thinking, the day she lost her mind come roaring back into my mind as if it happened yesterday. June 5, 2001 will forever haunt me. I was the last person to see her as her normal grandmas self on June 4th. I just wish that there could have been something I could have done to save her.

I have a lot of remorse towards one person in particular. I am not going to name names for fear of starting more drama in my family. Some people know who this person is, some don't. And it is on this person that I put a lot of blame on. If not for this person, my grandmother would still be here today.

I feel so empty inside. My life revolved around her. She was my hero. But now she is my Guardian Angel.

I Love You, Grandma... RIP ALWAYS.